DESIRE VERSUS HAPPINESS.

WHY VILLAGE FOLKS LOOKS MORE HAPPY THAN CITY DWELLERS.

Happiness depends on the intensity of desire or felt need. Satisfaction from food depends on the level of hunger one feels. If my desire is more I will get happiness also more. So to increase happiness I have to increase my desire. If I increase my desire naturally all my abilities will be concentrated on the project. Then the chances of my achieving the result are more. And the happiness I get also will be more.

What will happen when my desire is more than what I can achieve? Unsatisfied desires bring more unhappiness. So if I can reduce my desires I can limit my unhappiness. That is what I saw in my parents. They were my role models. They were a happy lot and enjoyed every success their children made. They did not have big hopes. So they did not have much set backs. Their requirements were limited and they were happy in the village environment. Whatever they got through their children were bonus.

Today my needs are more. My requirements are unlimited and hence I am unhappy. My expectations are very high. More the expectations more unhappy I become. Only limited expectations can give me a reasonable level of wellbeing

RELATIONSHIPS - DUMP OR NURTURE???

WHOM TO KEEP WHOM TO DUMP

IN RELATIONSHIPS - A DIFFICULT QUESTION

Relationships make life worth living. Wellbeing depends on the quality of relationships. A longing to see, to be nearer, to talk to and to be with, a bliss in each others company, happens with lovers. True, but other relationships are also important.. I have my family members, relatives and neighbours. I have friends around me. I have to decide which one to keep, discard or be nourished. This is a very important decision for a healthy life. Relationships have to be nurtured to keep them beautiful and satisfying.

Some relationships are burdens. Some can test my patience and drag me to boredom or depression. People take advantage of my tolerance. I may characterize it as being charitable. But it is too taxing on my nerves. After talking to them or listening to them for a considerable time my mood dips. It is a drain on my energy and hence I have to select.

To select I have to grade. How do I rate relationships? There is a simple method I call

‘talking time’

How long do I enjoy talking with a person .There are people I can talk to for five minutes, or may be ten or even can tolerate up to fifteen. But there are people I can talk to for hours. I treat half an hour and above as very good. Those relations are to be cared for and nurtured. My mental health comes from those relationships and their memories. Discard relationships or if not possible keep sufficient distance where talking to is not enjoyable.

HAPPY LIFE-STYLE

BE HAPPY NOW

I want something other than what is happening now. Had it been otherwise, I would have been happy. When will I be happy? Desire is good. Hope brings me cheer. Yes, does that mean I should always wait for happiness to arrive?

What happened cannot be rewritten. No meaning in ‘had it been otherwise’. When I talk or think on those lines I am re-experiencing unhappiness by choice. At this point I shifted to a better choice, ‘when I have this or that’, a desire for a better future.

Tomorrow is uncertain. So I come back to the present. I have to find happiness now, every moment. Happiness is an experience. Hence I have to experience happiness now. Happiness is a feeling and it comes from my thoughts. Accept the present and find the good things in the present. It is difficult in the face of adverse situations. But it is there for me to enjoy. Different trees, flowers and bushes make a good garden. In my mind I started to see happiness winking at me from every small thing in life.

I accept the present. It is good for me.

RELATIONSHIP

GATEWAY TO THE BEAUTIFUL HEARTS

The beauty of life lies in relationships. It comes from understanding each other. This means they are what they are. Can I change them to my liking? That is were I failed miserably. I thought I knew how everybody should behave. I went after everybody to change them or in my own words, 'to educate them'.

But nobody changed. They still remain what they are. In the process I became miserable. Everybody started avoiding me. In reality what I did was declaring everybody wrong. That hurt their ego. They defended and stood by what they did. Some went a step further and used ‘attack as the best defense’.

I realized nobody changes. They are what they are. Then what? I tried to comprehend. I had to find some areas of mutual respect. That was difficult after the ‘Kurushetra’. But I had no other alternative. I was looked at with suspicion. But I persisted. Tried to find out why they behaved like that. I did not know their background, experience and the rules their life taught them. May be had I been through their life, I would have behaved exactly the way they did. That changed everything. I found the gateway to the beautiful hearts of others

HOW TO BE HAPPY

WAY TO HAPPINESS

I feel light when I am happy. Best people I have met have the capacity to laugh at themselves. They joke about themselves. They can find a funny side of every situation. Best speakers crack jokes and bring the situation to lighter level.

I feel more at home when the situation is not very serious. I think I should not take everything seriously. Only very serious matters should be taken seriously. Daily happenings can be taken in a jovial manner. I take time to laugh at myself, the foolish things I have done, the awkward situations I was in. I look at my own positioning in the family, in my group, in the class and among my friends. It is unique. I am sure to be a misfit had I been in anybody else’s body. I am best in my body and in my situation. Enjoy the position, the situation and the life.

Taking life seriously can bring stress. Stress can cause physical and mental discomfort. Face the life as it comes. We cannot change the world and change everything to our liking. Actually I cannot do anything about a lot of things. Why should I worry. I look at what I can do, what is possible by me. I avoid thinking about matters I cannot do anything about. Why waste time. Smile at those situations, crack a joke if I can and enjoy doing what I can. There are even laughing clubs to just laugh without reason to feel good.

HOW COME, HAPPINESS IS IN WHAT I DON'T HAVE AND NOT IN WHAT I HAVE?

WHAT SHOULD I DO

IN EXCHANGE FOR HAPPINESS

Last week I had been to a Tea estate on the Nilgiri hills. The climate was wonderful. The bungalow was royal. Views were breath taking. Meandering roads look like pythons in the carpet green tea gardens. Green hills in every direction. The place is a heaven on earth. I felt like never wanting to go out of this place. No body can forego such a wonderful place.

I told the estate manager how lucky he is to be living in this wonderful place. He slowly opened his eyes and told me plainly, “For people like you who come for a few days, this place is a paradise. After a few weeks you will get bored. There are no proper schools here and hence my children are in the boarding. To meet somebody I have to go to the managers club about 40 km. away. My wife and I look at each other and wait for the time to pass by. We are happy today because you are here. Any visitor to this place makes our life cheerful.”

For those who don’t have anything, happiness is everywhere. But for those who have everything, happiness is a rare visitor.

HAPPINESS IS HERE

WHERE IS HAPPINESS ?

WHERE ARE WE LOOKING FOR HAPPINESS?

It is here………..just read on.

If the ultimate physical or material happiness is zero (read the article below) the mental or spiritual happiness is boundless. The law of diminishing utility doesn’t apply here at all. If I do something good for a person the happiness remains with me for ever. If I go on doing good to others, the happiness doesn’t decrease like the physical or material happiness.

So what do I get from life? From the material world what I get is zero. I can get to whatever position I want, economic, social or political. But the happiness level will remain zero. Through out my life I was trying for this kind of happiness which ultimately ended in a big zero.

Another interesting thing in life is habits and addictions. They keep me tied up so that I cannot escape. Addiction keeps up the demand and hence gives happiness or in another sense relief. But this can determine the path I take. Even if I am sure of the end, I am unable to save myself . Good habits are like oiling our vehicle. My life runs smooth with good habits. In other words

Life becomes tension free,
a pre-requisite for a happy life-style.

My happiness depends on my spiritual health, the cleanliness of my mind and the good I do for others. This is exactly what God declared to the Jews, the Ten Commandments. He summed up into two rules. First means hope and the second means doing good to others. The Indian philosophy is one step ahead. Thy neighbours include the earth and all its creatures. My happiness depends on my beliefs and what I do for others.